If the film centers Dodo, so should the parents

This review is my opinion and contains spoilers.

“Zindagi Kitni Haseen Hay” is a 2016 Pakistani movie that has been compared to the 1979 US film “Kramer vs Kramer.” In many ways, it is; in quite a few, it isn’t. Without this comparison, the film would move quickly, and an emotional moment would be shown, but only to serve as exposition for what it assumes a desi audience would need from Kramer vs Kramer. But the somewhat vague, very true, and still perhaps generously impartial IMDb description is “it’s the story of a young couple struggling with life challenges. Both are aggressive and follow their own thoughts, which affects their relationship. Their reunion becomes complicated gradually.” User ratings in general and from Pakistan are at 5.5/10. It’s not clear if it’s because the film tries to justify some reasons for proceeding with a separation or the reason for reuniting. Still, it’s fair to say that even Pakistan thinks the film’s supposedly desi remake approach was misguided.

Zindagi Kitni Haseen Hay starts with a meetcute where Myra (Sajal Ali) and Zain (Feroze Khan) snag the same taxi on a rainy day and argue. They scream at each other; Zain says he has a bomb (which causes the taxi driver to leave), leading them to find different taxis only to arrive at the same place (argue again about stalking), meet at their friends’ apartment to celebrate an engagement, and ends with Myra running after Zain with what looks like a very sharp toy sword. The film jumps into a dance number with a romantic ending and fades out to an exterior shot of the city with “7 years later” in the lower third, which soon introduces a little boy in his bedroom writing about his parent’s issues and how it makes him feel. Myra opens the door and tells Dodo to stop writing and drawing about it. She yells to an unresponsive Dodo. Reading what he’s written this time, Myra goes to Dodo to tell him she loves him. It doesn’t make him feel much better; it just makes her exhausted.

She feels tired of being made out as a bad guy because of how her marriage is going. The following scene has her at the doorway with her things, prepared to show Zain she’s leaving. Zain talks about his fantastic day, not letting Myra get a word in. It’s when he sees he’s not getting the attention he wants that he asks. I’m not sure if it’s me, but it seems more apparent what the issue is in Kramer vs Kramer. Having seen the couple before they reached this point, I felt that there was hope for their relationship. Maybe that’s because it does end with a stronger sense of reunion than shown in Kramer, which ends with an agreement, not a coming together of sorts. The child in question has a stronger voice in Zindagi Kitni Haseen Hai, to the point where, in court, he has a monologue about “Mommy plus Daddy equals Dodo, without Mommy and Daddy there is no Dodo,” which bears repeating when Zain tries to make amends with Myra. It’s come to a point where Dodo is in the hospital after running into the street and being hit by a car and is on a ventilator. Zain tries to convince Myra that Dodo has been struggling for too long, not just before the accident. He physically takes the oxygen mask off and is prepared to sign papers while Myra begs the hospital staff to do something and pushes the papers away. She starts grieving her son, begging him to wake up. Zain does, too. There’s a motif of a parallel metaphoric representation of Dodo’s consciousness, which shows up again when he’s drowning, and now his parents are there to help him. Dodo does wake up. His parents hold hands and look at the stars.

Even if the beginning and the ending of the films are different, ZKHH seems to aspire toward talking about an unpopular feeling women may have in their feelings about being in a marriage that isn’t working for them. Myra becomes a TV host, where she is instructed to bring out tears to increase ratings, and her actual tears make her a sensation. It’s not until her son is in the hospital that she makes a televised announcement apologizing for exploiting the pains of women without making a concerted effort to change their issues. The announcement itself provokes tears, which might be an attempt to make an actual change, but it is still profiting off Myra’s current domestic pains. The storyline is most significant in its commentary on Pakistani television, which has a common trope (or is simply the genre) of “saas-bahu” (mother-in-law/daughter-in-law) dramas, calling for a different type of story. This story of a strained marriage is different in some ways, not just because there is no saas for the bahu to argue with, but because it centers its concerns on a child. Still, the purpose of this storyline is complicated. The matter of Myra possibly lying about Zain hitting her every day, as Dodo says she does she says in court, is left for the audience to rationalize.

Kramer shows a marriage ending because Joanna (Meryl Streep) doesn’t feel like a good mother just as much as she doesn’t love Ted (Dustin Hoffman) anymore. She pushes Ted to become more attentive to his child and receive Joanna’s permission for custody. ZKHH shows a marriage that isn’t working because Myra also doesn’t feel like a good mother, but states why she’s frustrated with Zain. She’s willing to come back when Zain makes efforts to improve, but it takes him a while to make a real change for what is assumed to be a lasting reunion. Had the film shown there wasn’t hope for chemistry but an agreement on how to support their child amicably and separately, it would have made a more analogous message to Kramer. 

It makes one question if some of the themes of the 1970s in the US are more progressive than those of the 2010s in Pakistan. Indeed, there is still a stigma in the US about mothers unhappy with being mothers, especially in the case where it could be expressed when going through perinatal mood and anxiety disorders like postpartum depression. However, the framing in addressing those particular issues is to show these feelings are biologically induced, suggesting some form of curability. The thought of having problems with being a mother is hard to admit. It becomes more challenging in states where abortion is banned, with a common shaming technique being questioning if people want to become parents (abortion is banned in 14 states as of March 2024). In Pakistan, abortion is only legal when there’s a risk to life and, in some cases, to health, despite having one of the world’s highest abortion rates in the world. It would be powerful to have a film that would veer into the territory of emotionally conflicting feelings of motherhood in any regard, whether during pregnancy, after childbirth, or in the stages of a young family. A universally apprehended subject, speaking to motherhood in this regard, would require some caution, especially if such resemblances are pointed out in one of the highest-grossingyear’s highest grossing films.

Considering the severe implications of making a complete remake in Urdu, it seemed essential to change the heart of the circumstances. ZKHH tries very hard not to suggest this is the case for Myra, as she does come back to take her child the next day and never says she doesn’t love Zain. They reunite the next day and only separate again when Zain’s collector threatens Dodo. When Dodo thinks he would rather stay with his father, Myra is motivated to have him back. Both films might show mothers missing their child and fighting for him after at least one attempt to leave without him at that moment, but that’s not enough to say they’re the same film.

In a literal sense, the film might be a spiritual remake of Kramer as it tries to speak to some insecurities one might have in an unstable marriage. Similar character traits and resemblances don’t add up to the same circumstances. In a spiritual sense, ZKHH could be considered a remake of Kramer when considering cultural norms, assuming that the heart of the story is just insecurity. In this way, an argument could be made that efforts to save a marriage aren’t about a child but love. Zain says their issue is their selfishness, which they can work through. Their love is somewhere, and there’s a reason to find it. It might have been helpful if the film were more framed toward understanding where these insecurities come from to start a conversation about what young families go through (wanting a career or seeking to mature into one while also having to devote time to a young family) and how to deal with them. If this were indeed what the issue was, the film’s aim became to propagate the belief that couples should just stay together if there isn’t an instance of physical abuse, which still neglects under harmful circumstances that a marriage can engage. If another approach to the film was made, even if it were to better understand the issues of domestic insecurities, it should draw a line at the threat of physical abuse as well. Zain does raise his hand toward Myra, but he doesn’t because Zain sees Dodo in the corner. Zain’s transgression is excused to the audience when Dodo chooses to live with his father. Dodo also dismisses this incident when he tells the court that his mother was lying when she said Zain hit her every day. Myra’s lawyer indicates Zain conducted forms of financial abuse to the family by not paying his son’s tuition and taking the money under pretenses, saying it was for a film but was to sustain a lifestyle he and his family couldn’t afford. Zain rants that this is an insufficient reason to take care of his son because of the depths of his emotions. It ends with him agreeing that Myra can care for their son better. A few scenes later, he and his son engage in a kidnapping scheme, and he is soon confronted by the collector again, who Zain refuses to pay. The collector throws the kid and takes the money Zain carries on him, which is sufficient to clear his account. It’s not clear why Zain has not paid his debt, sustaining the claim for financial neglect, which had the consequence of his child being harmed and physical neglect.

Dodo doesn’t seem to know why he needs to validate the basis on which his parents are fighting. Not knowing how to get their reasons through to the child in ways he’ll register, his parents are at a loss for helping him through his depression. Zain and Myra are also distressed by Dodo’s feelings but blame each other for it to the court and, by extension, the child. What Dodo needed was parents who would prioritize managing their separation instead of using him as a device to get the others to admit they were wrong. How one would get these characters with some internal work to do so is beyond my comprehension. Their child nearly dying is a wake-up call for them to think beyond themselves. The two holding hands at the end would have one assuming there is something more than civility between them. It is the only solution they had presented to them and could surmise in a time of distress, but that doesn’t mean there was only one option to save their child. One wonders if the relationship moving forward means they will stop being selfish or make it a habit of neglecting their own needs.

You can watch “Zindagi Kitni Haseen Hai” on Google Play and “Kramer vs Kramer” on Prime.